One of the things I think about when I think about taking some extended time off from the church is how people will manage personal conflict. It got me thinking about how people manage conflict in general. Many people would say they do not like conflict. They may even say they avoid conflict. I like to say, “Conflict is an opportunity for closeness.” Let me tell you why. To explain this concept better, let me unpack a few things first.
What is conflict?
Really, conflict in its simplest form is disagreement. Have you ever disagreed with someone? Of course you have. I am sure when you disagree with someone, it does not always make you uncomfortable. Disagreements become uncomfortable is when they are serious or personal or both serious and personal.
When we have a disagreement with someone, it is very important to understand there are two human beings with souls involved… and God cares about both. When we understand how God loves people and his heart for reconciliation, we can better see how there is an opportunity for two people to grow in relationship together.
We are Reconcilers. We see this clearly in 2 Corinthians 5.
We are called to be reconciled to each other and in fact God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. In this way we have the unique ability to resolve conflict supernaturally.
How do you do this? Great question.
There is a lot to say on this topic. I just want to share a few things. The first place I turn for conflict resolution is the Bible. Here are five Bible passages to consider when you are experiencing conflict.
Know the truth – Ephesians 4:25
A good question to ask yourself is “is what I am thinking true?” The conflict you are experiencing may not be based on truth. Discover the truth of the matter before you begin confronting someone on an issue.
Check your heart – Ephesians 4:31-32
The Bible tells us our heart is deceitful (Jer. 17:9-10). Make sure your motive to confront an issue of conflict with a heart motivated to love and seek reconciliation.
Follow a process – Matthew 18:15-17
Matthew 18 teaches a process of confrontation that moves from a private conversation between you and the person you are having conflict with. If they do not listen, take two others with you to confront the person. If they still will not listen, ask church leadership (Elders) for help.
Use kind words – Proverbs 15:1
Your words can be used to bless others or curse them. When you consider the intention behind resolving conflict, think long and hard about how you want to use your words.
Forgive each other – Colossians 3:13
Ultimately, we want to live a Christ centered life. That means looking for ways to forgive. If Jesus can ask the father to forgive the people who were crucifying him on the cross… I know you can forgive people in your life.
I am grateful for the people in my life who have helped me work on this area of maturity. Remembering people belong to God… have souls… and need love… is one of the ways I am able to reorient myself regularly… and remember the command of Jesus to love one another (John 13:34).
Friend, I pray God will bless you on your journey to seek and find peace as you love Jesus.