How to Have the Best Date Ever

“I don’t have time!”

This is the answer I hear from so many people. There is a pervasive thought in our society that we don’t have enough time. However, we do.

We have plenty of time for the things we put at the top of our priority list. Relationships, work, education, sports, personal workouts and hobbies fill our daily, weekly, and monthly calendars. The question is, “are we prioritizing the right things?”

Below you will find five different ways to help you develop how to have the best date ever. Some of the ideas and exercises will require you to put forth some effort before you show up on your date. Some of the ideas will only require that you show up and participate.

Whatever the situation you currently find yourself in with your spouse, remember that you can begin cultivating an amazing relationship. It requires that you take step and start making sacrifices for those things you consider sacred.

Let’s begin.

#1 – Make Time

The best way to make time for your spouse is to…. Well… make time.

You have to carve out time like you would for any other major important meeting in your life. One of the ways I have learned to think about this has helped me immensely. Here is the thinking. When I think of how important my work is, I think about the most important tasks every week that help me to accomplish my work. Almost every time I consider this, I know that I have to meet with the most important people in my organization, weekly. If that is true toward developing a good work ethic, then shouldn’t this be true in my marriage relationship? The answer is yes.

Finding and setting aside time for your marriage elevates this relationship in your life. It helps to communicate to your partner that you are intensely interested in them. Pick one to two hours per week to commit yourself to being present with your partner. If you have young children at home and cannot find childcare, pick a time when you can put the kids down and have a date at home. Make the time and you will experience an enhanced relationship and set yourself up for future dates with your spouse.

#2 – Have Meaningful Talks

One of the most awkward moments on a date with your partner is not knowing what to talk about or being in a place where you are unwilling to talk. The silence definitely makes things awkward. Meaningful talking happens when you are willing to push past the uncomfortable and get to the heart of the person sitting across from you. This really is the first step toward developing emotional closeness (intimacy).

I have found the key to great conversation is great questions.

Sounds easy right? It is easier than you think, however, it will require you to put forth more effort than you may be thinking. Asking good questions begins by being considerate. Do you actually consider your partner? Do you think about them throughout the day? Do you have a genuine concern for them? This is more natural for some people and less natural for others. The key to growing in this arena of your relationship is to create some safe space for discussion and start asking questions. Ask about dreams and desires. Ask about what brings them joy. Ask how you can help and then start helping where you can.

#3 – Have fun together.

When was the last time you had fun together? What did you do? How did it make you feel? Having fun together reminds you of why you got married in the first place. You begin to find the passion and love you first had for each other. This is why dating your spouse is important and why having the best date ever is necessary.

Having fun together on your date is something that can happen everytime. This is because having fun does not require you to be active or stationary. Dates can be walks, talks, romantic, casual, or formal.

Here are some ideas:

A quick google search on “local activities” will give you an idea of things happening in your area. You may consider going to a concert or making dinner plans. I know a couple that has dinner plans every week at the same restaurant. They love it! They get to know the staff there and have a great time. What you really want to think about is how to make this fun for your spouse. Don’t use your date time to bring up things you know will cause tension. Set up another meeting time for that. Keep your date sacred and use the time to build into one another’s life.

#4 – Make it Affordable

Dates are not always formal. When they are, great! Spend the money and dress fancy. Have a great time! When they are not formal, great! Stay in your pajamas. Have a good time! The key here is to remember your “why?”. Why are you dating your spouse? You are dating them to get to know them and build up an emotional closeness, this is called building up emotional intimacy. Don’t forget the point! Emotional intimacy and connectivity is the point.

One of my wife and my favorite dates was making french onion soup at home. We were watching a movie that highlighted Julia Child, a famous American who became a French Chef and wrote cookbooks. We had four kids all at home and not enough money to get childcare and go out and eat fancy French food. We started thinking about following a French cookbook and making the meals at home. So we picked a night, put our kids to bed, bought all the ingredients and turned out some fun music, cooked and danced in the kitchen.

The point is developing a commitment to one another that produces emotional intimacy and connectivity in your marriage. You can do this for free by going for a walk.

#5-Look Good

My encouragement here is to simply apply effort. For some of you, picking out your outfit begins days ahead of time, weeks even. For others of you, you have no idea what you may wear out to dinner or a walk so you end up throwing something on.

My suggestion here is to consider your spouse and apply some effort toward looking nice. When you do this you are letting them know that you still care about them and how they feel about you. My wife and I always like to smell good for each other so she puts on perfume and I put on cologne. I make sure my facial hair is trimmed because I want to get kissed!

The goal here is not to create an oppressive or obligatory atmosphere but one where you desire to serve one another. When we approach our spouses this way on our dates, we will better show them our intention to love them.

Final Thoughts

Be creative. Seek to serve one another. Sacrifice for your spouse. Show them you love them by being ready to talk to them. Cultivate an atmosphere of love and respect. These are the practices that will help you develop a dating relationship that will help you have the best date ever. A good community can help you on this journey. At the Orchard Community Church, in Escondido, you can be part of a community of people who will join on the journey of life and support you in your marriage.